-aherm-
Sadly, I don't draw purdy pictures like you most of you guys, but I do like to occasionally write silliness and I have a few interesting crafty projects in the works. So I decided to
hijack make my own thread!
First off is the beginning of a fanfic drabble I promised Hat.
Seasonal Halloween Fanfiction, GO!
Enjoy! Or not! In fact, you can throw stones if you like!
After a few months in the Shioji household, Teriha was used to being slightly confused. From talking heads to secret labs, unrequited cousin love and constant cosplay to surprise glompings and under-aged catgirls—these people generated a force-field of odd intrigue that few could withstand without losing some tiny but significant portion of their sanity.
As an amnesiac herself, Teriha could hardly judge. Who was she to say what was normal and what wasn’t? Besides, living with the Shiojis meant that there were never any dull days.
But when the walking soap opera cliché found something to be utterly incomprehensible, it meant it was really sorta fucked up.
“I still don’t understand why you’re hanging up those spider webs, Umi…” Teriha said, tilting her head a bit too far and catching an eyeful of panty-shot.
She automatically squeezed her eyes shut and continued. This was one of the many hazards of being friends with Umi.
“Don’t you usually put on your Belgian maid outfit and make sure the house
doesn’t have those on cleaning day?”
Umi adjusted the last decoration on the front door and climbed down her ladder.
“Today is special! What do you think? Is it spoooooky enough?”
Though Teriha cared about her, this was another of the dangers of being Umi’s friend: she was flakier than a breakfast pastry.
“I’m still not getting the whole, err, point?”
Umi gasped.
“Oh, Teriha! I forgot! You probably don’t remember a thing about Halloween! Please forgive me!”
Teriha had a suspicion that even before her accident she never knew anyone else who could fit so many exclamation points in one breath. Before she knew it, Umi had wrapped her arms around her with the clinginess of an octopus. Umi’s strange (even by her standards) pointed hat poked Teriha in the eye more than once before she could wriggle free.
“Halloween is a magic holiday that’s my
ab-sol-ute favorite! Know why?”
Umi paused when she saw the mild fear and confusion in Teriha’s watery–from-hat-poking-eyes.
“Of course you don’t—I’m being so forgetful!”
Umi paused again. It was full-out panic mode time.
“I-I-I didn’t mean that in a mean way, Teriha! How could I be so heartless when you can’t even remember—”
The distraught cosplayer threw her arms open for another hug, but this time Teriha’s instincts switched on and dodged the vice-grippy arms of doom. Umi barely avoided crashing into a skeleton that was currently doubling as a coat-rack.
Teriha sighed and steered Klutzy McGee carefully away from breakables (something she was getting rather good at) and patted her on the back kindly.
“Really, don’t worry about it.” Teriha muttered bashfully, “Go on about this whole holiday thing.”
As soon as the tears were sufficiently staunched on the sleeve of Umi’s risqué black witch dress, she took a shaky breath and continued.
“Halloween is a time of candy and costumes and children and ghost stories and horrorporn in America! It’s like three of my favorite things rolled into one! You see, you decorate everything nice and spooky then you hand out candy and treats to any kids that come to the door dressed up or else they prank you. It’s trick-or-treat!”
“…sounds like blackmail to me…”
Ignoring the blasphemer, Umi batted a weirdly realistic brain that hung from the ceiling by a piece of fishing line. It squelched.
“The Professor even helps out! He made most of these decorations, you know! Sometimes he really is sweet!”
Teriha kept her mouth tactfully shut. Only Umi would think a man molding bits of human anatomy in his lab for her was sweet.
Nonetheless, she had to admit the overall effect was pretty unsettlingly creepy. But something about the whole bourgeois gaijin pageantry made her vaguely guilty. She was pretty sure she never cared for holidays much, for some elusive reason.
“…I like it. It sounds fun?” she lied, “But does anyone else in Japan celebrate? I mean, there’s no point in doing this trick-or-treat thing without the whole neighborhood participating…”
Umi beamed.
“That’s the best part! The Professor said he’d take care of it! Isn't he great?”
Teriha blanched.
Sure, she didn’t know much for certain, but she just
knew this couldn’t end well.
SO YEAH I AM WINNING THAT PULITZER THIS YEAR FO SHO.
