how to say the word 'um' in a foriegn language...

[Randamo]

un'o(japanese)
actually this has nothing to do with the title.  i kinda write a story, or part of it in my free time. i was just wondering if anyone could read it for me and tell me what you think, and things that could make it better. please be a little bit merciful cause im pretty sensitive about that kind of stuff.:e_upset:

it was a little bit inspired from kotor and douglas adam's style of writing...i also added a couple of reference from shows such as southpark, futurama and well, that's it i think.
i love kotor though. i wish they didn't stop making them, although i heard they are going to make an online thing.

[Foggle]

Actually, it would be either eto or ano. ;)
And your story is great!  I'm an aspiring writer too, and I found it to be particularly well written.  Good job. :im_nabeshin:

The only problems I noticed were things like not spacing in between words and parentheses [this(is not correct); this (is correct)] (which might actually be correct, but I learned differently), and that you forgot to include apostrophes at times [such as in this sentence: "Thus came the daily confirmation of his brothers obsession."; There should be an apostrophe in "brothers," like so: "brother's"].
But like I previously stated, it was great. :elhail:

[Randamo]

aw, thanks. i should have my sister look at the editing, cause she's an english major.
but i should definantly read it over to check that kind of stuff.
should i post up more of it?

[Foggle]

Certainly, I'd like to see more. :lordilsmile:

[Randamo]

okay. this is as much as i've done so far. it feels a little weak, i should probably later fix up some dialogue.

note: i fixed it up a bit.

[Foggle]

Alright, I'll read it later when I have time. >_>