'Kay, I removed the last part. Sorry if I grossed-out or offended anyone!
ALTERNATE (cleaner) ENDING!
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"Kabapu!" Rikdo shouted with relief. "Thank God you're here! Save me from this crazy pervert!"
Kabapu said nothing, but shut the door behind him.
"Great!" said Nabeshin. "Now we can have a three-way tag team match!"
"No!" shouted Rikdo. "This is madness! Kabapu, do something!"
"How can you even talk of such trivial matters," Kabapu said in a deep, emotional gurgle, "when confronted with something as tragic as THIS?" He tore his shirt off, and Rikdo stared in shock at the two enormous, female, bare breasts that bobbled there.
"Heck, man, what happened to you?" said Nabeshin.
"This is your fault!" She-Kabapu bellowed, pointing a fierce finger at Rikdo. The motion caused more bobbling in the chest region, and Rikdo could barely concentrate enough to realize what he…or rather, she was saying.
"MY fault?" Rikdo said. "Whaddya mean MY fault? I've been here all day trying to fend off indecent advances from Nabe-whore!"
"You left the drawing board unguarded!" Kabapu thundered. "While you frisked in the hay with your Afro-paramour, enemy agents infiltrated your apartment, occupied the office, and seized control of the pencil box! Now Il Palazzo has absolute power over all your manga creations! He can change our genders! He can alter our wardrobes!"
The rest of Kabapu's clothes disappeared.
"He can even change our dialog!" Kabapu's eyes flashed with rage. "Hey, sailors, the first one to rip the thong off the other gets to have their wicked way with me!"
"Wow, we're lucky we're not manga characters, Nabeshin," said Rikdo. Then he said "Yow!" as his legs were kicked out from under him and the golden thong was torn from his naked dangoes-'n'-pocky.
"Ooooh," breathed She-Kabapu. "Well done! I'm all yours, baby. Take me!"
"Nah, forget it," said Nabeshin. "The thong is all I really wanted. Now, Rikdo, we have to do something about Il Palazzo. Next thing he may do is--URK!"
She-Kabapu had seized him around the neck and chest. "I SAID," she snarled, "TAKE ME!" Nabeshin was body-slammed to the mat, the mighty amazon on top of him, deep kissing him with a furious hunger.
"Rikdo!" Nabeshin yelled when the tongue was withdrawn from his throat. "HELP!"
"I can't!" Rikdo said, trying to cover up his naked knick-knacks, "My hands are busy!"
"YOU don't need BOTH hands," Nabeshin scoffed. "What you've got could be covered by two fingers at most."
"THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Rikdo shouted.
"It's not just for me!" Nabeshin screamed. "The fate of the city is at stake!"
"All right, all right, I'll rescue you!" Rikdo said. "But not till Kaba has taken some of the bounce out of you. If I save you now, you'll just start groping me again!"
Rikdo sat back to watch the hot action, wishing he had brought a video camera.
Something began pounding on the door. "Go away!" sad Rikdo. "I can't open the door, I'm naked!" The pounding continued and got louder. Rkdo ignored it.
Suddenly the door burst open. A young woman was standing there: a most familiar young woman, at that.
"Tremble, lowly masses!" she shouted. "I am an agent of ACROSS, the super-secret ideological organization for the supreme ideological ideal, and I am here on the behalf of Lord Ilpalazzo to clean up this particularly corrupt corner of the world, so get ready to be conquered because the purge is here and now! Oh, Lord Il Palazzo, I hope you watch as Excel purifies this fake temple and makes it fit to be a part of the ideal new world order that you in your wisdom and ACROSS will soon bring to everyone, everywhere, and not just the sordid perversions of this room that Excel, well, just REALLY doesn't want explained."
"Hypocritical minx!" She-Kabapu bellowed. "It's Il Palazzo who is controlling this entire grotesque scenario! He has the legendary Pen of Rikdo at his command. I assure you, I am not assaulting Nabeshin of my own free will, or because I enjoy it!"
"Could have fooled me," Nabeshin muttered.
"FILTHY LYNG LOWLY MASS!" Excel shrieked. "AS IF THE PURE AND PERFECT LORD IL PALAZZO WOULD SULLY HIS NOBLE SELF WITH PERVERSIONS OF SUCH A REVOLTING NATURE, OR SMUDGE HIS CLOUD-WHITE GLOVES WITH THE UNWORTHY INK OF A CARTOONISTS PEN! For that evil slander which makes Excel want to vomit, YOU DIE!"
Kabapu was the first to be kicked across the gym. He hit the wall with a thunk and lay on the mat, still. Nabeshin tried to defend himself, but the rage of an inflamed Excel soon overcame even his super-afro-powered martial arts expertise. Rikdo just fell down and played dead the moment she looked his way. It seemed to work.
"Excel is victorious!" she shouted, "Excel declares this fake temple and gym as part of the extended base of ACROSS, with all the rights and privileges thereof, and therefore the spirit of Lord Il Palazzo drives out all the demons of pervertedness that haunted its befouled corners and crevices! And now, in the spirit of ACROSS, Excel snags a trophy for the glory of Il Palazzo!" Excel bent to grab something from the floor, then departed.
Silence reigned in the gym.
Nabeshin finally sniffled. "My thong!" he whined, holding up the single golden tassel that had been left behind. "She took my thong!"
"It's trivial,"gasped She-Kabapu. "We must save the city. The city needs us, Nabeshin, YOU must save us all from Il Palazzo and ACROSS!"
"You know what?" said Nabeshin. "Screw that! Let the city do it's own dirty work for once. I'm going out for pizza. Naked." He got up and walked to the door. Rikdo heard a car start and tires squeal. The sound of the engine faded in the distance.
"Now what am I going to do?" She-Kaba moaned. "I can't defend the city like this! I don't even dare to show my face. I will have to spend the rest of my life locked in my luxurious apartment, watching terrible events unfolding on the news on my wall-sized widescreen TV."
Rikdo looked at Kabapu, considering. His apartment was a pit. His TV was broken. And after all, what was a little extra lip hair?
"Hey, gorgeous," said Rikdo. "Is your apartment air-conditioned?"
Meanwhile, in ACROSS'S headquarters, Lord Il Palazzo was staring in consternation at a sparkly gold spandex object with an articulated sleeve and two golden tassels as Excel jabbered about her recent military incursion and successful cleansing of the target location.
"And what," sad Lord Il Palazzo with contempt, "do you expect me to do with this?"
"Excel took that strange object as a trophy to commemorate the success of ACROSS and did not think that far ahead!" the official toilet cleaner admitted. "However, as Lord Il Palazzo has asked the lowly Excel for her opinion, Excel thinks it would make an excellent addition to Lord Il Palazzo's uniform, though of course, nobody would actually see it unless…" Excel turned red and started to stutter. "Unless…of course…Lord Il Palazzo chose to eliminate other, extraneous parts of his outer wardrobe, which Excel has to admit would be an exciting development, though she fears her brain might explode at the thought of witnessing Lord Il Palazzo in his glorious--"
Il Palazzo pulled the rope.
"This world is so corrupt," Lord Il Palazzo said with distaste, examining the thong and waiting for the splash. "And, on top of that, one of the tassels is missing."
The End
